


How two exasperated doctors adopted three robots

by duckdistributor



Series: A victorian steampunk fantasy scientists and robots AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Gen, Janus and Logan have doctorates, shennanigans ensue, there are robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25676008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckdistributor/pseuds/duckdistributor
Summary: After being hired at the Neo-mechanical Engineering and Research Facility, Dr. Janus Dedrick began noticing some suspicious things going on there. He decided to take matters into his own hands, and look into it.Meanwhile, Janus' frustrating colleague Dr. Logan Croft, had apparently gotten the same idea.A victorian steampunk fantasy scientists and robots AU.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: A victorian steampunk fantasy scientists and robots AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861783
Comments: 22
Kudos: 90





	How two exasperated doctors adopted three robots

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This was an AU that entered my mind one day and I suddenly wanted to write something with it. I hope you'll enjoy, and that you're having a nice day!
> 
> I would like to sincerely thank @rainbowbutterfrosting on tumblr for beta-reading this fic! It means the world to me.
> 
> TW: Gunshots, but I think that's it. Let me know if I missed something.

Janus Dedrick often considered himself quite brilliant. He had more than one doctorate to prove it, even if such titles couldn’t always be considered truthful. They could either prove that you’d worked hard or that you merely had the money to spare, so that wasn’t what made Janus consider himself brilliant. Neither was his position at the Neo-mechanical Engineering and Research Facility. A Facility that was among the first to attempt to figure out how to utilize the previously inaccessible “magic” (as it had been unprofessionally dubbed thus far). His confidence was hardly linked to a title such as “Dr. Dedrick”. According to Janus, his brilliance shined the most when he was doing things entirely on his own accord.

Such as, breaking into the Neo-mechanical Engineering and Research Facility at 1am on a Saturday.

One might wonder what Dr. Janus Dedrick was doing, elegantly flipping switches he wasn’t supposed to flip, and walking through passages that were clearly locked away for a reason. It was quite simple really. Janus wanted to figure out what said reason was. Just because Janus worked at the Facility didn’t mean he had access to any and all knowledge about it, and Janus simply intended to change that. Really, was hiding information from the public not enough? If the Facility didn’t intend to make scientists and engineers curious, perhaps they shouldn’t have a gate practically labelled ‘prohibited’ that led to a closed off section of the Facility, which hardly anyone was allowed to enter. They were practically begging for a tactical break-in.

So that was what Janus was doing. In the weeks leading up to it, he’d left skilful remarks, and made sure his duties led him to the right offices. He’d opened a few drawers and lockers, using his fashion-choice of constantly wearing gloves to his advantage. It wasn’t even that difficult, and his suspicions only grew with each new discovery. The fact that there was a prohibited area wasn’t the only weird thing going on. There were blueprints that contradicted each other in strange ways, parts that hadn’t been delivered on time, and multiple other minor inconsistencies. Janus could respect things being kept close to one’s chest, but he also respected anyone intelligent enough to uncover what was being deliberately hidden from them.

Janus heard the final lock click and the steel gears turned on the door. The passage that opened was dark. There were no windows in sight, and even if there were, it was as previously stated, 1am. Janus riffled through the pockets on his vest underneath his cape that he wore in the cold. He got a hold of a box of matches and struck one. He lit the oil lamp in his other hand, which illuminated a small area. Not enough to see everything ahead of him, but enough to ensure that he didn’t easily step on anything vital (or trip, harming himself, who was also a rather vital asset).

His steps echoed down the hall. He noticed a few paintings on the walls, that he hadn’t seen before. There were other paintings in the Facility, but these were different. Made by a different painter perhaps? Some depicted various mechanics, and one or two were of people Janus had seen around the Facility at times but hadn’t had much to do with. He wondered if they worked in this part of the Facility sometimes. What had they done to gain access there? Janus wasn’t certain if he was bitter or excited to see what it was the Facility was attempting to hide. You wouldn’t have this level of security for a couple of unimportant documents or employee files.

The room expanded the further Janus made it. While Janus couldn’t see the entirety of it, he became increasingly aware of just how big the room was. The light was reflected from the surface of a machine, that was several feet taller than Janus. He put the oil lamp a bit closer to it, to get a good look at the switches and buttons. There was a brass panel on it, that didn’t seem too complicated to figure out.

Then Janus heard steps from a door on a different side of the machine. Damn. Who the hell would be there at this hour? Janus scanned the room for a good place to hide, but quickly realized that it was too late.

A man walked around the machine, and locked eyes with Janus. The man wore a black vest with a dark blue necktie. At first Janus was frightened, fearing that his otherwise rather ingenious plan had been found out, but once Janus had a good look at the man, his expression faltered with exasperation. The man had a pair of glasses and a confused look that made Janus’ blood boil.

“What the _hell_?” Janus said, because really it made no sense.

The man tilted his head slightly and looked Janus up and down. “Dr. Dedrick? To the best of my knowledge you are not allowed in here.”

Janus clenched his fists, but then his expression turned smug. “To the best of my knowledge, neither are you, Dr. Croft.”

Dr. Logan Croft was an agitating individual, who unfortunately happened to be Janus’ colleague. He was hired a few months after Janus and had almost immediately earned a promotion through reputation alone. He was known as a prodigy, who had always passed at the top of his class. Even if his family hadn’t had any sort of formal education previously, Logan had apparently against all odds made it to one of the most esteemed universities. Impressive sure, but it wasn’t as if Janus hadn’t done just as much, if not more. At least Logan Croft hadn’t had to change his name in the process.

The two had many overlapping fields of expertise, which could either result in a wonderful friendship or a bitter rivalry. In this case, the latter was more prominent. Logan’s entire demeanour and the way he was always so hung up on rules and the law annoyed Janus to no end.

Logan adjusted his glasses. “That is correct.”

So why, of all people on this godforsaken planet, was Dr. Logan Croft in the prohibited part of the Facility? Janus huffed with amused disbelief. “If you are here without permission, surely there is no reason for you to condemn me for doing the same?”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t condemning anyone. I was simply wondering what you’re doing here.” he sighed, “Though I wouldn’t consider myself surprised.”

Janus gasped and placed one hand on his chest, taking mock offense. “And why is that, dear doctor?”

“You have a history of doing things you shouldn’t be doing.” Logan said matter-of-factly.

Janus grinned. “Ah, but it’s only truly wrong if anyone of importance notices.”

Logan huffed. “I noticed.”

“ _Anyone of importance_.” Janus repeated, but Logan didn’t react with enough annoyance for it to be satisfying. Janus gestured towards Logan with his free hand. “Though that doesn’t answer why _you_ are here. It seems uncharacteristic of you.”

At this, Logan looked at the floor, and led his hand through his hair. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then locked eyes with Janus again. “I believe I’ve made a discovery.”

“And what might that be?” Janus asked with a silky tone, though the spite was clear underneath it.

“It doesn’t concern you unless I find adequate proof.”

Janus furrowed his eyebrows and chuckled with disbelief. “With all due respect, Dr. Croft, I don’t think hiding your intentions at this point will be easy for you.”

The ‘for you’ was added to provoke some form of anger, and judging by Logan’s clenched fists at the words, Janus succeeded. “And what are your intentions, Dr. Dedrick?”

“I asked first.”

“No, you did not.”

“You simply said, you were wondering what I was doing here. You never asked the question.” Janus said, adjusting his bowler hat.

Logan gave an exasperated sigh. “I suppose that is technically correct.” Janus looked at Logan’s barely illuminated face with amused anticipation. Logan looked at Janus with a serious expression. “I have had my suspicions that the Facility has been hiding something for a while.”

“Is that so?”

“After looking through some blueprints and files, I’ve noticed that there are… Patterns of inconsistencies if you can say it like that.”

Janus didn’t say anything for a few moments. He wasn’t sure what he found funnier and more ironic. The fact that Logan was there for the exact same reason as him, the fact that Logan thought he knew more, or the fact that Logan had apparently also looked at files they weren’t allowed to look at. “Such as the delayed magitoite delivery?” Janus said almost emotionlessly.

Logan turned his head towards Janus. His mouth was gaping slightly. “And the box of 20 teeth gears.”

Janus smiled wryly. “Not to mention the blueprint detailing the components of a hypothetical robotic arm.”

Logan looked a sceptical for a bit, and Janus hoped that it meant he’d learned something Logan hadn’t. Logan continued. “There was a file that talked about a use of magitoite I haven’t seen anyone in the Facility attempting yet.”

Ah. Janus didn’t know that. He tried to think of something to say to have the last word but couldn’t think of anything he could express in that moment.

Logan moved some hair away from his eyes. His expression was nearly unreadable. “So, you’ve been conducting your own investigation?”

“I have.” Janus replied.

The two men stared at each other in silence for a few breaths. Logan looked thoughtful, and Janus didn’t like the sight. Why did he have to run into _Logan Croft_? At least it would’ve been a little exciting to explain himself to someone with authority, instead of this pretentious idiot. The thought that Logan had been looking into the same matters as Janus made him want to scream. “I have a proposition.” Logan said

“Yes?”

“Instead of getting in each other’s way, I let you follow me on my investigation.” Logan said.

Janus clenched his fist and groaned. “Oh, how _generous_ of you.” he said sarcastically.

“Thank you.” Logan said, nonchalantly.

Janus sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to attempt to explain what I’ve learned so far to you, then.”

Logan huffed. “Guess I will too.”

Janus tutted. “Unfortunate.”

“Indeed.”

Logan turned his head towards the machine in the room. “What is this?”

Janus looked at the machine and at the mechanics on it. As he looked around the room, he saw the hint of a pipe and some wires that led towards the other end of the room. “It appears to be connected to something. Perhaps some sort of opening mechanism?”

“Do you know how it functions?” Logan asked.

“I haven’t had the chance to l-“

“Never mind I’ve got it.” Logan said, barely acknowledging Janus’ words. He flicked a switch and pushed a button. The machine made some noises, that sounded like bits of metal grinding against one another, and steam came out of an opening on the left. There was the sound of some type of gate moving upwards, further into the room.

Janus groaned. “I could’ve figured that out as well.”

“But you did not.” Logan said, and while it seemed indifferent, Janus didn’t miss the sly look in his eyes.

* * *

Janus and Logan continued down the passage with an oil lamp each. On the way, they recounted their discoveries. Most of the time they finished each other’s sentences, unfortunately having discovered nearly the same thing, though Janus savoured each time he knew something Logan didn’t.

_Click_

“What’s that noise?” Janus asked, stopping in his tracks, holding up one arm with concern and confusion.

“It was a click.” Logan replied.

Janus rolled his eyes and looked at the other. “Oh, I _definitely_ didn’t realize that. But where did it come from?”

“Well, it could’ve been a few things. There are plenty of technologies in-“

Logan never got to finish the sentence, as a bullet flew past them after a quick and sudden ‘bang’. It dashed into the wall beside them, leaving a smoking hole in the metal. Janus’ eyes widened, and he saw that Logan nearly dropped his oil lamp in surprise. As soon as Janus heard another ‘click’, he scanned the area. He noticed another bullet flying towards them. Towards Logan specifically.

“Get down!” he yelled and gave Logan’s sleeve a tug. Logan ducked accordingly and dodged the small bullet.

Logan’s mouth gaped. “It would appear that it was a gun.”

Janus narrowed his eyes and looked ahead. “Well-spotted, Dr. Croft. Glad to know your doctorate is being used to comprehend such vital information.”

Logan glared at Janus. “This is hardly the time for-“

Janus tugged at Logan’s sleeve again, and they ducked once more. The bullet wasn’t anywhere close to hitting them this time around though. Who was it that was aiming at them? _What_ was aiming at them?

 **“Authorized personnel only.”** a voice, that didn’t sound like anything Janus had heard before spoke. It sounded forced and inhuman in a sense. As if it was coming through a phonograph. There wasn’t any emotion behind it. Logan and Janus looked at each other. What should they do about that? Janus was almost convinced that Logan would turn around and leave. Janus would never do something like that. He was getting too curious.

Perhaps Janus had underestimated the other doctor, as Logan closed his eyes tightly, sighed, and grabbed Janus’ arm. “Come on.” Logan said, practically dragging Janus further as if he was a dog. Somewhat offended, Janus ripped his arm away from Logan and brushed his own shoulder.

“I can walk myse-“

Another bulled was fired, but it was several few away from both of them. **“Authorized personnel only.”** the voice repeated. Janus breathed and picked up the pace. Logan did the same. Janus’ and Logan’s legs were almost equally long, so their pace was annoyingly similar, but Janus tried not to think about that. They had to avoid the danger at hand.

They made it to the end of the hall when they noticed the source of the bullets. It did indeed seem to come from a gun, but the person, or well perhaps not a person, who was holding the gun was the interesting part. The thing that held it, was shaped like a human, but without the skin. Where there should be skin there was brass and steel, with nails in between each piece. It had hair on top of its head, which made Janus even more confused. What was the point of the hair? Purple, covering the eyes… No, not eyes. Round holes that were lit up with a purple glow. It wore a black shirt and a black chequered jacket on top of it, and there were three gears turning by its chest. Another strange thing was, that the gun wasn’t held by it, but was directly attached to the top of the steel hand.

It didn’t take multiple doctorates to conclude that this resembled a robot. Not exactly the ideal hypothetical version, but a simple one. It was mostly a robot in appearance, and a sound player and automatic (terribly aiming) gun in function. Though Janus couldn’t help but feel like it was built to be capable of more than that. It didn’t make much sense though, because that would require technology that wasn’t developed. Perhaps it was just an experiment? **“Authorized personnel only.”**

Janus scoffed. “Thanks, we get the gist.”

The robot(?) moved the gun back, there was a click, and another shot was fired. This time it went straight for Janus’ head, but he ducked before it did any damage.

“Hm, seems it generally has a terrible aim, except for a few select exceptions.” Logan said, deep in thought, as if he wasn’t in immediate danger.

Janus furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the human-shaped gunner. “It’s almost as if it hits by chance rather than technique.”

“How do you think we can shut it down?” Logan asked. It sounded a bit like Logan was a teacher asking the class a question, but Janus couldn’t help but chuckle at it rather than feel offended. It was strange, that Logan hadn’t turned around yet. That he’d rather shut down their mechanical attacker and move on. Perhaps Logan was a little more driven than Janus had initially thought.

“So far, nothing is preventing us from getting closer.” Janus responded. He tilted his head and cooed, “Or does that _scare_ you, doctor?”

Logan let out a ‘ha’. “Not in the slightest. I’d say its lack of aiming abilities renders it rather unintimidating.”

Janus scanned the gunner and noticed that there was a panel on the back. It was possible that there was a switch on there or behind it, which could shut it down. While it had legs, it didn’t seem like it was able to move. Janus approached it just as another meaningless shot was fired, and Logan almost looked annoyed as Janus did so without narration or comment. Just as Janus reached the side of the robot, its other arm stretched out. The sides of it started moving strangely, as if bits of it were finding a place. Before long, two metal plates started reaching through the arm, covering Janus’ path like a shield.

Hold on.

Janus knew of that technology. In fact, he knew it well. “That’s my technology!” he exclaimed, as he looked at the shield. He recognized it on the way, the shield was triggered once he’d reached a certain radius from it. He created it about a year prior, having been tasked to develop a technology that could keep out unwanted visitors. It had still been in an experimental phase then, and he’d been moved to other projects since.

“Ah, it did look rather simple, so I suppose that makes sense.” Logan said, and Janus sighed sharply through his teeth. He tapped the side of the shield, one on the top, one on the bottom, and one on the left, which led the robot to withdraw it slightly. Once Janus reached the back of the robot, he noticed that there was in fact a switch on the back. Janus thought it was a little too easy to see, for it to be an efficient design, so it was likely just a prototype, made to be turned off easily in case of malfunction. The fastened panel made him curious, but he figured that shutting it off first would be ideal. He flipped the switch, and there was a loud, hollow, humming noise, and some clicks from within.

“Hm.” Logan said, “The eyes aren’t lit up anymore.”

“I turned it off, doctor.” Janus said.

“Thank you, I am aware.” Logan replied, a clear bitterness in his tone.

The body felt heavier after being turned off, and it seemed Janus had to hold it up to prevent it from falling. Janus placed his oil lamp on the floor, looked down at his pockets, and grabbed a screwdriver. Logan approached the harmless robot and stood right behind Janus. Logan narrowed his eyes. “Do you bring that with you everywhere?”

Janus smirked and rolled his eyes, as he placed the screwdriver on the screws that fastened the panel on the gunner’s back. “Of course, I’d bring _some_ tools to a break-in. I am not completely dense and inexperienced.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Are break-ins one of your usual pastimes?”

Janus didn’t reply to that, as he removed each screw from the metallic back. Logan was looking him over his shoulder, which was rather irritating. At times it could be fun, if Janus did everything just a little better than Logan would be able to, but Logan was the type who’d notice any small mistake, and Janus would never hear the end of it. To be fair, Janus would do something similar. He wrenched the panel off, which revealed a technology that was indeed exceedingly similar to the one he’d developed. There were more gears, and some of the wires were connected to other places than he was used to, but it wasn’t that difficult to make sense of. 

Something that stood out, however, were the bits of the wires, that were twisted in non-optimal ways. Something was being blocked, as if someone was deliberately trying to limit the functions. It didn’t take a genius to deduce, exactly how you could optimize the machine, though Janus wasn’t certain what the optimal version would be like. Would it have a better aim?

Right above all of the gears and wires, Janus saw that the inside of the robot was labelled ‘VIRGIL’.

“That’s not an ideal design.” Logan said.

“I know.” Janus said.

“Its speech centre has a larger vocabulary than ‘authorized personnel only’.” Logan added, which made Janus’ eyes flick to a box in the right corner, whose wires went up towards the mouth.

“Well-spotted.” Janus said, in a way that sounded like he’d immediately noticed himself. He would, of course, if he hadn’t been looking at how his own technology was being used. Janus looked up, and saw that there was a door, blocked by a large metal plate. Logan stood up, and pressed a few buttons nearby, and the plate moved up, scraping against the wall.

“This was the place it was guarding, it seems.” Logan said, nodding into a dark room, “Are you coming?”

“Of course.” Janus said. He placed the screwdriver in his pocket, and allowed the robot to fall just a little, and managed to cradle it in his arms. It wasn’t too heavy. He noticed that the eyes that had seemed pupil-less while they were fully lit up, had something that resembled it anyway, only furthering Janus’ suspicion that it was meant for more.

”Why are you bringing that?” Logan asked.

“Just moving it out of the way for now, so we can make some adjustments and cover our tracks later.” Janus replied, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He let his eyes flick to the oil lamp. Logan furrowed his eyebrows, leaned down, and took it.

* * *

The room was small, and everything in it was dusty. There were scattered notes and blueprints, and Janus quickly noticed that the blueprints were a great deal more detailed than he’d seen before. They were filled with drawings that looked like robot parts, and his mouth gaped upon the sight of a detailed magitoite formula. He wanted to rush over there and take it all, but he froze upon the sight of something even more remarkable.

On the ground, lying languid and lifeless, there were two robots. They were most definitely robots. They looked similar to the VIRGIL, that Janus was carrying in his arms, but they had their own entirely unique design. One wore a light blue short-sleeved suit with a grey pipe strapped over its shoulders. Its hair was red and curly, and Janus wondered if it was synthetic. It had a wide smile on its face, that seemed a little dead on the lifeless robot. The other was built from a more refined metal than the other two and had white broad-shouldered white shirt with a cravat. It also had a metallic red sash with various buttons on it, that lead from the top left to the bottom right. There wasn’t any light in any of their eyes, indicating that they were turned off, but once again Janus noticed that there was something resembling pupils there.

Logan’s eyes were fixed on the robots as well, and Janus could’ve sworn his eyes sparkled. “There… There are more…” Logan said breathlessly.

“Y-yes.” Janus said. He’d expected it to sound more articulate than that.

Logan was shaking, looking at the blueprints on the wall. Janus could hear his own breathing a little too clearly for his liking. Where should they even begin? Logan placed the two oil lamps on a nearby wooden table. “I suggest that we look at the… Robots, first.” Logan said, answering Janus’ unspoken question.

Janus nodded. He walked a little closer to the two bodies on the ground and carefully placed the lifeless VIRGIL next to them. Janus looked at the robots, and the machine in the corner. There were wires connecting to the backs of each one. “Should we try to turn them on?”

“We could dissect them.” Logan said, “And figure out how they function first. Judging by the VIRGIL’s functions, they could be hostile.”

Janus hummed. “I thought you said its lack of aiming abilities rendered it _rather unintimidating_.” he mimicked Logan’s voice at the last words.

Logan adjusted his glasses and exhaled sharply through his nose. “If you want to risk it, I’m not opposed to it.”

Janus smiled a little to genuinely for his own liking. He nodded towards the machine in the corner. “Try to turn that on, if it isn’t too complicated for you.” he said in a somewhat belittling tone.

Logan rolled his eyes and walked towards it. “Let me know if you need my help turning the robots on.”

“Well, if they’re based on _my_ technology, I hardly see the problem.” Janus said, walking towards the mechanical bodies on the ground.

“I highly doubt they’d _all_ use such a simple protection mechanic.” Logan said.

Janus didn’t bother replying to that. He looked at the three robots on the ground. He wasn’t too keen on turning on the gunner again, so he picked the one in the blue suit with the big smile. He unscrewed the panel on the back, revealing a system that was… Similar, but not entirely. For one, it didn’t seem to utilize Janus’ protection technology, but it did have something else going on. Once again, it was as if something was blocking it.

The name written on this one was ‘PATTON’.

Logan mumbled something to himself, having placed one hand on his chin. He grabbed a tool on the table that Janus couldn’t see, pushed something into the side of the machine, and flicked a large switch on the side. Gears on the walls started turning, and there was a hiss, as steam was released from the top of it. Janus felt some power in the wires of the robot. He flipped the switch on the back. It stood up, suddenly, and Janus almost fell backwards. He shuffled back to his feet and looked at the other side of the robot. The eyes lit up in a light blue colour. It hurt to look directly at them.

 **“Please state—order”** the robot said, but Janus could tell it wasn’t a complete sentence. He looked at the wires inside. He squinted, and unscrewed the side of the speech centre, and switched some of the wires.

“What are you doing?” Logan asked from the other side of the room.

“Fixing it.” Janus stated, in a matter-of-factly tone that could almost be confused with something Logan would say.

Logan bit his lip. “Is that wise?”

 **“Please st—Please—state order—order.”** the PATTON struggled.

Janus tightened one of the gears and gave the water container inside a tap. Steam was released from the mouth of the robot, and Janus moved his hands back abruptly.

“Something is happening.” Logan said, his mouth gaping.

“What?” Janus asked.

“The eyes are different.”

Janus stood up and moved to the front of the PATTON. It was true. The light faded just a little and they no longer looked quite as lifeless. There was a visible pupil and the mouth that had otherwise been stuck in an emotionless smile, moved just a little. As if there were flexible muscles in the jaw. For a moment it frowned, it moved its head in a way that was frighteningly human. It looked at its surroundings, confused, concerned, perhaps scared, until its eyes fell upon Janus and Logan. It smiled, in a sudden and natural motion as if it had done it a million times before. Steam was once again released and there were a few oddly satisfying clicks, as the PATTON moved its arm up in a mechanical, coordinated wave.

“Hey there kiddos. What can I do for you?”

The voice wasn’t as inhuman and mechanical as it had been before. In fact, if it wasn’t for the phonograph-like volume and quality, it could easily be confused as human. Janus and Logan looked at each other at the same time, eyes wide, and without a hint of a single snarky comment from either of them.

“I… I uhm…” Janus said, looking the robot up and down. This wasn’t possible. The design was too complicated, the tone and use of words completely distant from the words of any machine. What Janus was looking at was something that would be considered purely hypothetical. “Who are you?” he asked because no other words were cooperating with him.

“Oh! Where are my manners?” the impossible robot said. One arm moved in a few mechanic motions to the robot’s chest. “I’m Patton.” The eyes closed for a moment as Patton’s head tilted and its (their? his? her?) smile widened.

“That… This…” Logan tried, speechlessly. He shook his head. “I have questions.”

“I’ll answer anything, within the best of my ability.” Patton said with a polite nod.

Logan looked at Janus. “Dr. Dedrick, we do agree that this doesn’t make any sense, do we not?”

Janus nodded a bit too sheepishly for his own liking. He corrected his posture and pulled at his cape a little. “We do.”

“Usually a creation such as this would be considered…” Logan began.

“…purely hypothetical.” Janus finished. He looked at Patton who was smiling as if he was frozen in time. “And judging by the strange shipments, the use of my technology…”

“…the blueprints, the prohibited area, and everything in this room…” Logan added.

“…I assume that the Facility has been keeping some rather influential scientific progress from us, no?” Janus said, his voice gradually shifting into something more bitter.

“Yes.” Logan said with a nod. He looked at Patton. “What do you think Patton’s functions are?”

“Patton, what are your functions?” Janus echoed at the robot.

Patton barely moved. “My purpose is to assist humans with anything they might want help with. This includes but isn’t limited to: cooking, cleaning, holding objects, transporting objects, taking care of children, taking care of pets, and anything else I can be programmed or taught to do.” he closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again, “Though I apologize, I cannot do all tasks perfectly, as I have a few malfunctions. I am a prototype.”

Janus furrowed his eyebrows and Logan took a step closer. “Who built you?”

“My creators didn’t identify themselves, but I was produced by the Neo-mechanical Engineering and Research Facility.” Patton answered, moving his arms a bit more dynamically, in rather human gestures.

“When?” Janus asked.

“Depends on what year it is now.”

“1891.”

“A little more than four years ago” Patton responded.

“Four ye-“ Janus breathed and chuckled dryly. “There has been _this_ advanced technology at the Facility for _that long_?” Janus didn’t know is he was more pissed or more ecstatic.

Logan’s breathing was shaky. “Why would they keep something like that from us? Surely it’d be ideal to have as many people as possible working to perfect such a technology instead of having them create a technology that already exists.”

Janus sighed and looked at his colleague. “Dr. Croft, surely you’re not dense enough not to recognize ill intentions?”

Logan looked at Janus with a strained, but neutral expression. “Surely you’re versed enough in the sciences to know, that we cannot jump to such a conclusion without proper data.”

“Oh, because I’m _certain_ people with _wonderful_ intentions would make a robot with a _gun_ that shoots after anyone in range and protect their secrets with this much care.” Janus said sarcastically, gesturing with his arms.

Logan scoffed. “You’re one to talk about secrets.” Janus hissed through his teeth with exasperation.

“Are you talking about Virgil?” Patton said suddenly, sounding a lot less compliant than anything else he’d said. Janus could easily interpret a hint of confusion or concern in Patton’s voice, though that didn’t make much sense. “I- I mean, not to _ro-_ butt in or anything.” Patton added with a smile, as if the robot had caught itself doing something bad and wanted to cover it up.

Logan gasped and squinted. “What did you just say?”

“Virgil?”

“No, the last part.”

Patton stuttered, “Ro- _ro_ -butt in?”

That was… That was a pun.

“No no no that doesn’t make _any_ sense. If wordplay isn’t the robot’s primary function, there is no way that would be a part of its language centre.”

Dr. Logan Croft was in fact, correct, even if it wasn’t what Janus would initially focus on. “Patton.” he said, in a tone that was meant to be friendly and polite. He felt somewhat foolish speaking like that to a machine, but it seemed that Patton was more than that. “Is making… puns… a part of your programming?”

Patton’s upper body moved back a little in a surprise. Patton looked down, in an almost ashamed manner. “No. I am so sorry… I-it’s one of my malfunctions I’m afraid.”

“That’s not…” Logan tried disbelievingly, “How did you learn that?”

“I uhm…” Patton tried, and Janus thought it was remarkable that the robot even added filler words like that. “Well, I once noticed that certain words in my language centre have similar pronunciations or meanings that can be utilized in different situations, and… And it’s terribly addicting.”

“That shouldn’t be…” Logan attempted. “That’s… That’s incredible!”

“Huh?” Patton said, tilting its head slightly.

“You’ve been able to learn from your programming without human interference! I can’t even begin to describe how unique and… _Impossible_ that is.” Logan said. He locked eyes with Janus, and just then, Janus knew exactly was Logan was thinking.

“Magic…” Janus said. It was unbelievable. So much technology was right at their fingertips. Janus looked at Patton. “You mentioned Virgil, correct?” Janus asked, “Something was blocking its programming. Yours too. Why is that?”

For a moment, Patton’s mouth gaped, and the eyes were wide. Then Patton looked down in defeat. “I… I’m not sure. Some humans must have done it because it was the best option. Humans are good at that kind of thing.”

Janus scoffed. “Debatable.” He felt like there were a thousand questions to be asked, but there was a lot of information to take in. Everything was flying around him and meshing in an incomprehensible puddle, which was terribly inconvenient. He looked at Logan. “Should we turn on the others?”

Logan bit his lip. “I am… I am curious.”

“Oh! I can help you!” Patton said excitedly. He stopped moving for a moment. “I-if you desire, that is. What are your names if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Logan Croft.” Logan said.

“Janus Dedrick.” Janus said.

“Of course, Logan Croft and Janus Dedrick. Who would you like to turn on?”

Logan looked at the two robots on the floor. “How about… The one with the sash.”

“That’s Roman! He is a lot of fun.” Patton said. “I’m sure you’ll get him booted up in no time.” Patton winked and pointed at the boots he wore. Logan groaned, although there was still some light in his eyes from the entire situation. Janus couldn’t blame him. Unfortunate really.

“Wait, hold on.” Janus said, “Are you all considered… Are you referred to as a ‘him’?”

“Oh no no, not necessarily! It’s whatever you prefer to refer to us by really.” Patton said, frantically, once again acting as if he’d made a serious mistake.

“But… You use that among yourselves?” Janus asked.

“…Yes, but humans don’t usually do that.” Patton said.

“Where did you learn then?” Logan asked.

Patton paused, and his eyes became distant for a moment. Then he looked up, hesitantly. “I… I don’t know.”

Janus and Logan looked at each other once again, some sort of silent communication between them. Janus could almost forget just how much Logan annoyed him right then.

Patton walked over to Roman, and it dawned upon Janus, that it was the first time he’d seen the robot walk. The movements were loud, and you could clearly hear the metal scraping against itself while each joint moved up and down. It was still impressive. Janus and Logan followed.

“Let me know if I can do anything, to help. That’s what I’m here for.” Patton said.

Janus’ expression faltered a little as Patton said that. Having robots with functions like that made a lot of sense, but at the same time, this robot seemed to have… emotions and thoughts of his own? Janus couldn’t help but feel that there was something a bit sinister about having the robot act as a servant and nothing else.

“So… All of the robots have a full setting and a limited setting.” Logan stated.

“Will he shoot us at the full setting?” Janus asked, coldly.

“No no, Roman wouldn’t do that as far as I know.” Patton said with a smile. Janus almost wanted to comment on the ‘as far as I know’ but figured that saying it to the robot wouldn’t get him anywhere. Even if it was an advanced one.

“Where is my screwdriver…” he mumbled instead.

“Right over here, Janus Dedrick.” Patton said. Janus noticed Patton lean down, picking up the screwdriver from the floor. He marched towards Janus, extending his arm a little, which was apparently something he was capable of, and handed it to the doctor.

“Uhm… Thank you Patton.” Janus said, grabbing the screwdriver. Patton tilted his head and looked confused for a breath, but then his expression softened. It was remarkable how expressive he was. “No problem, Janus Dedrick.”

Janus unscrewed the panel on Roman’s back and fixed the wires and gears. He flicked the switch on the side, and the robot stood up. He didn’t stand up in the same clumsy way that Patton did. It was a little more coordinated and vivid. He held up his arms in a theatrical gesture. “Here comes the noblest Roman of them all!” he exclaimed. He stopped and looked at everyone in the room. “Hello there. How might I entertain you today?”

Ah. An entertainment robot? That seemed… Frivolous, but not entirely surprising. Interesting.

“What are you functions?” Logan asked.

“My, what an honor to meet such a dashing human on this… time of the day, I don’t have a clock function.” Roman said, bowing in a way that produced a few loud clicks. “I am Roman. Designed solely for your entertainment. I can recite all poems, plays, and songs I’ve ever heard.”

“Fascinating.” Logan whispered. “Can you produce poems and such on your own as well perhaps?”

“What?” Roman said, suddenly sounding very frightened, “Well… I…”

Janus squinted. He thought of the way Patton had acted upon the mention of his ‘malfunction’. “It wouldn’t be bad. It would be impressive if that is the case.” he explained.

Roman perked up. “I… Uh… I can!”

Janus watched Roman intently. These robots were truly advanced. Their language was so much like that of a human and their and they even hesitated in their sentences at times.

Logan looked at the final robot on the ground. “What’s it- what’s his function?”

“That’s Virgil! He protects humans!” Patton said.

“Did a great job at that earlier.” Janus remarked sarcastically, but no one reacted to it. Logan took the screwdriver out of Janus’ hand. “Hey!” Janus exclaimed. Logan walked towards the robot on the ground and started unscrewing the panel on the back. “Oh why, don’t bother _asking_ or anything.”

“I apologize.” Logan said, though Janus could tell from the wry smile, that he’d done it partially because it was amusing. Logan removed the panel.

“It’s my technology, you know. I know more about fixing it.” Janus said.

“It’s really not that difficult.” Logan said. He moved some wires, unscrewed a gear. He flipped a switch, and steam was released from the side of the robot. Janus sighed.

“AH!” the robot yelled, standing up abruptly. “What is going on?” he held his gun in front of him and Janus jumped backwards.

“Hello.” Logan said, and Janus was suddenly overcome by how soft Logan’s voice sounded. It sounded kind and caring in a way Janus wasn’t used to.

“W-who are you?” the robot asked.

“Logan Croft.” Logan responded. “Who are you?”

“Virgil.” Virgil replied. He looked around. “Where am I?” his eyes landed on Patton. “Patton! Where are we?”

“I have no clue!” Patton replied, with a smile that didn’t quite suit his response.

“You’re in a prohibited area of the Neo-mechanical Engineering and Research Facility.” Logan responded.

“Oh, you’re not obligated to answer our questions!” Patton said, hastily, “Unless you really want to.”

Roman looked at Logan and Janus. “Where are the other humans? Why are we… Here? Did we… Did we do something… Wrong?”

“Goodness, no.” Janus said, “We’re not here to hurt you.”

“Do you feel pain?” Logan asked curiously.

“Nothing that matters.” Patton replied. Janus tried to figure out exactly what the implications of that sentence was.

“Well, physical pain would require a nerve system, which seems like an incredibly complicated and useless thing to add, so it wouldn’t make sense for you to have that.”

“Like I said, nothing that matters.” Patton said.

Janus looked at Logan breathlessly. “Croft, they… They _feel_. Emotions that is.”

“What?” Logan whispered, narrowing his eyes. He looked at each robot. “That’s not possible, there’s no way that the magic can… That’s essentially creating life.”

“Are there more of you here?” Janus asked.

“I am not… Certain.” Patton said, moving his hand up to his chin with a single click. “I mean, we aren’t the only ones that were built but if we’ve been transported here, I don’t know where to find anyone else…”

“Have you been ordered to do anything with us?” Roman asked. Virgil was standing in front of them holding up his shield in a protective stance.

“No.” Logan said, simply, “No one sent us here. We br-“

“We’re here on our own accord.” Janus said, brilliantly. He looked at Logan harshly. “What… What are we supposed to do with all of this.”

“There is so much information, and we can’t just…”

“It’s going to be difficult to cover our tracks…”

“We should resume looking through the Facility.” Logan said.

Janus looked at the robots. “We have to… We have to do _something_ about them before we do that.”

Logan nodded. “You’re right… Ha, ‘right’, that’s unlike you.” but the snarky comment hardly sounded sincere.

Janus exhaled once through his nose and allowed himself to smile just a little, even if he felt that it damaged his reputation. Then he gave the robots a determined glance. “I’m bringing them.”

Logan looked at Janus with a somewhat baffled expression. “And the notes and blueprints?”

“We have to bring them too somehow.” Janus said.

“Perhaps having you tag along wasn’t so bad after all.” Logan said, which made Janus turn his head confusedly, “It means we have more hands to carry all of this.”

Janus huffed.

“Huh?” Virgil said.

“Would you like to come along with us?” Janus asked.

All the robots looked dumbfounded, and there was silence for a few moments, where you could only hear the clicking of their gears and some steam being released from each of them. Roman was the first to step forward. “Certainly, dashing humans. If you desire my presence.”

Logan looked at Virgil. “Would you like to come along as well?”

Virgil looked at Logan sceptically. “I-If you need my protection.”

Janus looked at Patton who was looking at the floor meekly. “Would I… Like… To… Uhm…”

“Would you?” Logan asked.

“It’s not in my… I can’t…”

Janus breathed as the realization set in. “We would like you to come along.”

“O-of course!” Patton said determinedly, “I will go with you!”

Janus bit his lip and watched as Logan started to collect some of the documents in the room.

This was going to be interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I want to write more in this AU at some point. It probably won't be a cohesive story, but I have some ideas for more stories that take place in this universe. For instance, I would like to introduce Remus at some point. If you'd be interested in reading more stories like this, let me know!
> 
> Leave a comment and kudos if you feel like it! It will absolutely make my day! :)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at https://dramaticsnakes.tumblr.com/ where I make memes and post other things I've written sometimes. You can also find this fic right here: https://dramaticsnakes.tumblr.com/post/625375308718145536/how-two-exasperated-doctors-adopted-three-robots


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